The wonder of it all

For a week I woke up to the sound of small feet running around the house. Such a beautiful sound. It was so good to spend time with family from Lubbock and getting to see my little nephew was amazing. He is so entertaining to watch and I found myself teary eyed when they left. All I could think about was that little boy and all the joy he brought into our lives. I fell in love with his smile and wonder.

God is doing some amazing things and I'm super excited. He's been showing me that more and more people in my own circle of friends that need to be involved in something deeper, something real. The want to experience a relationship with God...not some distant thought or story. I'm seeing young people hurting in their families, marriages and struggling with vices that conquer their lives. They want...NEED someone to love them and encourage them in their faith. They need a hope to cling to. He's also making my heart grow bigger for people who are hurting. It's an incredible feeling.

Then during a leadership meeting for a new and exciting ministry He goes and tells me - "I called everyone in here for a reason and I didn't call them to be comfortable." His voice echoed the words that made me want to run...but I cant. I've done it for far too long. He didn't call me to be comfortable. My comfort zone has been precious to me but I never saw it as a prison keeping me from the world. Keeping my Jesus in this corporate-cookie cutter worship and not going any further. This is going to be a ministry and I'm a part of it...somehow or another...and I have to allow God to use me in any way that He wants.

I've struggled with insecurities almost all my life. In my head I'm being told that I'm not...enough. I tell myself I'm not smart/talented/good/capable/beautiful enough. It's not something I struggle with on a daily basis but it's a dark song that plays in my head when I allow fear to creep in. Right after sharing my struggles with a friend, I decided I'd read My Utmost for His Highest / Oswald Chambers. I try to read his material every day simply because it's always raw and straight from scripture. That moment was different for it grabbed my heart and literally made my jaw drop.

Jesus’ parable of the talents recorded in Matthew 25:14-30 was a warning that it is possible for us to misjudge our capacities. This parable has nothing to do with natural gifts and abilities, but relates to the gift of the Holy Spirit as He was first given at Pentecost. We must never measure our spiritual capacity on the basis of our education or our intellect; our capacity in spiritual things is measured on the basis of the promises of God. If we get less than God wants us to have, we will falsely accuse Him as the servant falsely accused his master when he said, “You expect more of me than you gave me the power to do. You demand too much of me, and I cannot stand true to you here where you have placed me.” When it is a question of God’s Almighty Spirit, never say, “I can’t.” Never allow the limitation of your own natural ability to enter into the matter. If we have received the Holy Spirit, God expects the work of the Holy Spirit to be exhibited in us.

Wow.